2 summers ago our daughter caught a pig at a farmers day fair so we were the proud owners of a wiener pig, one that you can raise and butcher for meat. We brought her home got her all set up and were ready to take on the role of good farmers raising livestock. Well, of course nothing around here goes as planned and I noticed that the only time that Olivia would eat was when we were around her. She seemed so lonely in that pen all by her self that we (the kids and I) decided that she would do much better with company. As luck would have it I found a sweet little pot belly pig for sale on a Alberta classified site. I phoned to find out more information on her and where she was located. She was just outside a small town about 2 hours south of us and I made the arrangement for the kids and I to go pick her up on the Saturday.
Saturday morning arrived and the kids and I put a small dog carrier in the mini van and head south to get her. We have a major 4 lane highway that would make the trip down quick and chose that for our route. On the way we encountered some major constructions delays and while waiting we goggled map and different route for coming home. It was mid June and the temperature was quite high so the last thing we wanted was to be stuck in traffic with our sweet little piggy. After about 2 hours we arrived at the farm and the nice young fellow that was selling her came out to meet us. I have to say he did kinda look at us funny when we pulled up in our mini van and took the dog carrier out of the back but I never really thought any thing of it. Down to her pen he lead us and the kids we excitingly discussing the new addition to the farm, they had all ready decided that her name would Oakley. When we got to her pen the young fellow took the carrier from me and said “I’ll just grab her for you.” and in he went. We could hear some squealing going on and shortly he came out with the cutest little black and white piglet I have even seen. I paid and thanked him, we put her kennel in the back where we had laid down the seats and both kids got in the next row so they could keep her company on the trip home.
We had not even made it half way down their driveway when it happened….Oakley had done what all animals do but it was not right, not right at all. Meggie was yelling,”she pooped.” and Mitch was bailing over the front seat, then it hit me! Oh the smell, how could such a cute “little” animal make such an eye watering smell. I instantly rolled down the windows while tears were running down my face and I was trying to drive with one hand while the other was firmly pinching my nose to stop the invasion of the smell. At this point I noticed that Mitch who was now firmly in the front seat , having bailed from the back in a ninja like fashion was not laughing anymore but gagging. As Meggie was now informing us that she had pooped again and that the bottom of the gate on the kennel had broken a the turds were now rolling out.
I had to get control of the situation and we all needed air so I pulled over….. I had no sooner stopped and Mitch had his door open and was very close to losing his breakfast. Meggie being Meggie said “no problem I have it under control,” and started picking up the escapees and putting them in a large disposable empty drink cup with toilet paper that we had in the back. A few more deep breaths out the window of course and we all settled back in to make the trip home. I figured we were now safe as she was little and from the amount of waste she had let go of she must be empty. Oh sweet lord no, we had barley made it 5 minutes and the bomb went off again! How could this be happening she was such a tiny little thing and the stuff she was producing was not. Once again I pulled over, no need to roll down the window as we hadn’t quite got them back up from the last time. Meggie went to work cleaning up the mess again and Mitch went back to opening his door and trying to get some relief. I have to admit by this point I was wondering if we were ever going to make it home. Vehicles were starting to pull over to see if we need assistance and I was just waving them on with a no, no we are fine not dying from the odors that were being release by the passenger in the back.
I needed to do something or we were never going to make it home! What did the kid that sold her to us feed her before we picked her up? Or could she have been a nervous pooper, whatever the case was it was not good not good at all. I told Meggie to rip us off each a few sheets of toilet paper, I had a plan. “Okay everyone if we are going to make it home we need to stick this up our noses so we can’t smell through our noses.” Perfect plan if we couldn’t smell it we may make it move the 2 miles before having to stop again. We all place our TP up our noses and you could tell our coolness rating by how this was done. Meggie folded hers and had one continuous piece that went for one nostril to the other, Mitch being a teenage boy had some care in his placement, he neatly folded two separate pieces and placed them in his nose so that no one could see them. Me on the other hand did not care in the least and wadded and shoved mine in, anything so I didn’t have to smell what had now become a livestock hauler and not a clean sweet-smelling mini van. We drove with the windows open and I cursed the van manufactures for not having back windows that rolled down instead of usless vents that opened a 1/2 inch. To heck with safety we were dying of toxic odors in it.
Remembering the highway construction we proceeded with the back route that goggle had laid out for us. Once again Oakley did what apparently little pigs do every 2 mins but we were a little more prepared, the toilet paper was taking the edge off and Mitch was now riding in the van like a dog with the window rolled down gulping in the fresh air. Bless Meggie and her strong stomach the poop would roll out of the carrier like a vending machine and she would pick it up and but it in the cup. The only disadvantage with the new route was it took us through a town….with traffic lights. Yeah it is a little hard to maintain any coolness when you pull up to a red light and a barn yard odor is escaping through the open windows, oh and you have toilet paper shoved up your nose! Of course we hit a red light and the gentleman in the truck next to us looked over and smiled but then you could see the smell slowly hit them, they gave us a look and slowly rolled up the windows, good to know we weren’t over reacting!
We made it to the 4 lane highway and I will admit that I did go over the speed limit a little as Oakley was not weakening in her deposits and the smell was not exactly leaving the vehicle. Sure let the police pull us over, I did not care at this point. I was starting to think the smell was causing some hair loss and Mitch was going to suffer from PTSD for years to come, Meggie being Meggie was so happy to have a pig she didn’t care of the after affect of this trip. I repeatedly said to the kids, “it’s okay we are making memories, great memories, like remember the time we got the little pig on the hottest day of the year in a mini van, with a broken dog kennel, and the pig was a nervous pooper.”
I have to say that we did laugh a lot that day, and when we finally headed up our driveway we all had smiles on our faces. We had survived!!! As we pulled in we stopped to talk to my husband Grant. He started to walk towards us and then it hit him like a brick wall. His face took on that expression and I think his eyes may have started to look a little teary. It was then that he noticed my nose plugs and he said, “I’ll check it out when you unload it.” Good idea honey.
We got Oakley unloaded and put in her new pen where she happily snorted around…..and pooped.
Have A Beautiful Day